my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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