i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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