why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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