My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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