im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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