Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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