In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize