just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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