Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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