I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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