Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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