Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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