just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize