it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no, he came in my armpit
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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