I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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