Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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