I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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