Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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