Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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