I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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