She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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