so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize