Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize