for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just invented taco cereal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I color on your dick again?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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