seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize