White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize