After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
that may or may not have been my penis.
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