i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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