apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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