i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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