She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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