8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize