I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize