I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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