my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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