My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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