I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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