My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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