paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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