before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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