You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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