I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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