I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize