That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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