SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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