even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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