I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize