Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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