I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize