Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize